Is This How You Feel
by cellochick373
Summary: Bechloe. Beca just wants to get to know Chloe better, but the older girl has more than a few skeletons in her closet that she would rather Beca not know about.


**A/N: I've recently moved for grad school, and since there is absolutely _nothing_ to do in small town Ohio until my training starts, I've decided to start a new story and work on wrapping up my old ones that I never got around to finishing...so hopefully this will be the start of a small burst of productivity for me!**

* * *

Beca groaned as she forced her legs to keep moving, unwilling to risk Aubrey yelling at her for wimping out on their cardio workout. She was loathe to admit it, but acapella routines actually took a surprising amount of stamina, and she knew that she would be thankful later on….that did not, however, mean that she had to be happy about feeling like her legs were about to fall off her body and her lungs were going to explode. If she had been able to, Beca would have sighed with relief as she reached the top of the stairs for the last rep, but settled instead for casting her eyes to the ceiling in thanks as she struggled for breath and stumbled back down the stairs to where the other Bellas were waiting.

The second she reached the floor, Beca's legs gave out from under her and she collapsed into a sweaty heap beside the other girls. Gasping for air, she let her head fall to the side, groaning as she saw Aubrey watching her with no small amount of amusement. The blonde still looked nearly pristine, barely having broken a sweat, and Beca grumbled internally about the unfairness of it all. So she was maybe a tiny bit out of shape- it wasn't like mixing and DJing required muscles! Totally not her fault. She couldn't help that Aubrey was apparently some sort of super-workout freak…although really, she didn't know why she was even surprised. It figured Aubrey would have to be perfect at working out, along with everything else.

The older blonde was so infuriating sometimes…but then, as much as Beca would never admit it out loud, that was probably what made her such an effective captain. Tilting her head so she was staring up at the ceiling again, Beca closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them she suddenly found herself staring into a pair of bright blue eyes hovering a few inches away from her face. Squirming at the unexpected sight, Beca nevertheless felt herself relax a bit as she felt a gentle touch on her arm.

"Jesus, Chloe, way to give me a heart attack," she grumbled, watching as the blue eyes that had been watching her intently suddenly backed off a few inches. Now that Beca could see Chloe's entire face, she almost chuckled at the slightly sheepish expression that came over the redhead's face.

"Sorry Beca," she chirped, "I just wanted to make sure you were still alive!"

Unable to help a small smirk, Beca arched a brow at the older girl and took an exaggerated breath in before blowing it out noisily. "Yep, still breathing," she said snarkily, chuckling at the indignant look that Chloe was now sporting. The redhead huffed before shaking her head at Beca, unable to help the fond smile that touched the corners of her lips, lifting them just the smallest bit.

Standing up, she reached a hand down to Beca and laughed when the brunette looked at her like she was crazy. "Come on, Beca, you know we still have half an hour of practice to go," she said, wiggling her fingers to try to coax her up. Groaning loudly, Beca finally lifted her arm and grasped Chloe's hand in her own. Tugging eagerly, Chloe pulled Beca to her feet, ready to drag her over to where the other girls were congregating to discuss choreography.

Unprepared to be suddenly standing again, Beca's legs wobbled and she stumbled, falling into Chloe as she struggled to get her legs to listen to her and support her weight. Chloe caught her easily enough, laughing as she did, and pulled Beca closer to her in order to better support her. Blushing at the feeling of being pressed so closely against Chloe, Beca finally managed to get her feet under her and not tip sideways.

"If you wanted a hug, all you had to do was ask." Chloe's voice was right next to Beca's ear, and she could clearly hear the amusement in the words.

"Uh…sorry…about that…" she mumbled, not looking Chloe in the eye as she took a few still-shaky steps backwards. She was sure her cheeks were flaming red from her embarrassment and she was determined to ignore Chloe and pretend nothing had happened, but Chloe's giggles caused her to glance up to see the redhead watching her with an expression on her face that said she found Beca absolutely adorable.

Opening her mouth to say something- anything- to salvage her badass reputation, Beca was suddenly interrupted by Aubrey's voice ringing out, scolding her for taking so long. Sighing for what felt like the millionth time, Beca shuffled slowly over to the group, taking a seat next to Chloe and trying her best to pay attention to what Aubrey was saying about the new choreography. Her attempts were in vain, though, because a few seconds later she heard her name and realized everyone was looking at her expectantly. Fumbling for words, the brunette tried to figure out what she was supposed to be responding to, but came up blank.

"Umm…" she trailed off into silence, hoping someone would step in and save her.

Nobody did.

Aubrey shook her head at the younger girl in exasperation before glancing around at the other Bellas.

Amy was lying on the floor, Stacie was adjusting her shirt, Cynthia Rose was staring dreamily at Stacy, and…Lilly appeared to have wandered off at some point without anyone noticing. Awesome. Growling, Aubrey pinched the bridge of her nose and prayed for the strength to _not_ strangle all of them. Inhaling deeply, she waved her hand dismissively.

"Okay. Practice is done. Get your shit together and be ready to pick this up tomorrow at the same time." Almost everyone was on their feet and out of the rehearsal space within seconds, not wanting to give Aubrey time to change her mind, and the blonde rolled her eyes before beginning to collect the sheet music that was scattered about. Chloe and Beca were the only two left with her, and Chloe turned to Beca. "Want to get food?"

Beca was a bit surprised by the offer since they hadn't hung out very much by themselves, but she nodded quickly anyways. Chloe….intrigued her, and she wasn't about to turn down a chance to maybe get to know the other girl better. Chloe grasped Beca's wrist lightly and said, "Wait for me?" Once Beca nodded Chloe stood and approached Aubrey.

The blonde smiled at her before glancing at Beca and raising an eyebrow. Chloe half-shrugged at the questioning look and said, "I was going to go grab something to eat with Beca. Want to come?" Aubrey shook her head with a small chuckle. "The dwarf and I would kill each other in five minutes." Ignoring Beca's indignant "Hey!" at Aubrey's comment, Chloe just smiled and leaned in, kissing Aubrey's cheek sweetly and saying, "I'll see you tonight Bree."

Aubrey nodded before gently shooing Chloe away, barely restraining a smile when Chloe grinned and bounced over to Beca, looping their arms together and half-dragging her out the door. It wasn't often that she got to see her friend so genuinely excited, and whatever personal qualms she had about Beca were of no consequence if the brunette could keep making Chloe smile like that.

/\/\/\/\/\

Outside, Chloe disentangled their arms before turning to Beca and looking at her expectantly.

"What?" Beca wasn't sure what the other girl was waiting for, but Chloe just laughed at her confusion and said, "Pick somewhere for dinner."

"Uhh….not the dining halls?" Beca stalled as she tried to think of a good place, grinning when she thought of the perfect spot. "How does Mediterranean sound?"

"Perfect!" Chloe smiled excitedly and gestured for Beca to lead the way as they started off across campus. They made small talk until they reached the café, with Chloe nodding in approval at the choice. It was a small town, and after three years of living there she had tried just about every local café and restaurant there was, though she had only been to this particular place a handful of times.

They ordered their sandwiches at the counter, grabbing them when they were ready and heading to a small table in the corner of the shop. They ate in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Beca cleared her throat and awkwardly asked, "So… tell me about yourself?"

Chloe just looked back at her archly, not saying anything for a long few moments, and Beca blushed as she grimaced and said, "Not- I mean, I didn't-" Pausing and taking a deep breath, she willed herself to keep it together and carefully chose her words as she said, "I just don't know very much about you, and if we're going to be 'fast friends' then that seems like something that needs to be fixed."

Chloe smiled a little as Beca threw her words from initiation night back at her, and she smoothly replied, "What do you want to know?"

Not expecting that response, Beca opened her mouth, then shut it quickly with an audible click of her teeth before she said something rash or made a fool out of herself for what felt like the millionth time that day. Chloe couldn't seem to just make it easy for her; instead, she found herself constantly on her toes and having to think and question and just- she felt out of her league with the redhead, and this seemed like it was her chance to maybe prove that she could do this, that she could keep up with the older girl.

She dropped her chin to rest on one hand as she thought about what to ask. She genuinely was curious about the other girl as a whole, because now that she took the time to think about it, she realized that she didn't actually know much about her. As much as Chloe talked and was outgoing, somehow she managed to never touch on anything about herself, and Beca decided that maybe asking about how the redhead grew up could be a good place to start. After all, it wasn't _too_ personal, or at least it didn't have to be if Chloe didn't want it to be, and Beca figured it might help her to get a better feel for the older girl.

Chloe watched with interest as Beca's expression turned thoughtful, trying to guess where the younger girl might go with this. Finally, after a few moments, Beca opened her mouth and said, "Tell me about your life before Barden?"

The request was cautious but sincere, and Chloe warred internally with herself for a split second as she chose how to answer. She couldn't give the brunette the truth- nobody but Aubrey knew anything about how she had grown up, and there was good reason for that- but she didn't want to lie to her either. Half-truths it was.

"Hmmm," she hummed as she thought about how to phrase her response, "Well…I bounced around a good bit growing up so I got to see a lot of different places."

_That's one way of putting it_, her internal monologue noted dryly.

"I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, so ending up at Barden was kind of just a happy accident."

_More like a miracle_.

"Music has always been a huge part of my life though….that's one thing that definitely hasn't changed at all."

Beca nodded at Chloe's responses, although she found they just brought up more questions. What _exactly_ did "bounced around" mean? And why had that been the case?

"What about your family?" Beca asked, trying to get a better feel for the other girl and where she was coming from. Chloe tensed before forcing her shoulders to relax as she shrugged and said, "Eh, nothing too terribly exciting. But what about you?"

It didn't escape Beca's notice that Chloe had basically just redirected the question without ever actually answering it, but she decided to let it go for the moment. Rolling her eyes, she replied, "You already know my dad is a professor here, and the only reason I'm here is because he made me."

"Well yeah, but what about before he made you come here?" Chloe replied, knowing there was obviously more to the story and curious about how much Beca would willingly tell her. Groaning, Beca wondered if maybe opening up this vein of questioning had been a mistake, but it was too late to switch now. She shrugged, trying to look casual, and said, "I lived in a pretty small town with my mom, didn't see my dad much after I was twelve. I've actually probably seen him more since coming to Barden than the past six years combined."

Chloe was watching her carefully but didn't interrupt, so Beca continued. "All things considered I had it pretty good though. My mom is kind of awesome," she finished with a small grin.

"Yeah?" Chloe asked, a small smile on her lips.

"Yeah," Beca replied, "I mean, it's not like we're each other's best friends or anything, but if I ever need anything I know that she'll be there for me no matter what." And it was true; she trusted her mom to have her back no matter what. They would never have the type of relationship where they stayed up all night talking about life, or where they had to talk to each other multiple times a day, but that was more than okay with Beca. She much preferred her mom giving her the space to live her own life and just having the occasional phone call or skype session to check in with each other.

"That's awesome," Chloe smiled, happy to hear that Beca's relationship with her mom was a good one. Deciding it was time to steer the conversation in a slightly safer direction, she asked Beca about her classes before settling back into her chair a bit more and listening carefully to her response.

/\/\/\/\/\

Chloe slid her key into the lock, exhaling slightly in relief when the door shut behind her. Aubrey looked up from her spot on the couch and frowned slightly at the redhead. "Did you walk by yourself?" she asked, a hint of concern in her voice.

"Yeah," Chloe replied as she made her way over and dropped down next to the blonde. "I didn't want Beca to have to walk alone."

Aubrey had shifted as soon as Chloe sat down, angling her body back against the arm of the couch a bit more, and the redhead laid down so her head was in Aubrey's lap. Running gentle fingers through the other girl's hair, Aubrey said, "You could have called me. I would have come and gotten you." She knew that Chloe hated walking by herself at night, and they had long ago agreed that she would call Aubrey if she ever needed to so that she wouldn't be alone.

"Mmm," Chloe moaned contentedly at the feel of Aubrey combing through her hair. "It wasn't too bad Bree. I didn't want to bother you over a ten minute walk."

"Chloe…" Aubrey's voice held a slight protest to it, and Chloe quickly sat up a little as she caught it. "I know you wouldn't have minded, Aubrey, really." She met the blonde's eyes as she spoke and twined her fingers with Aubrey's, squeezing lightly. She really did know that the other girl wouldn't have minded in the least, and she loved her for it. "If I had really been worried I would have called you, I promise."

Sighing, Aubrey nodded and squeezed Chloe's hand. "Okay. As long as you always know you can call me, that's all I want." Leaning back again, Aubrey tugged Chloe slightly until the smaller girl was lying with her head resting on her chest, her body half-draped over the blonde.

Chloe immediately curled into her, nuzzling a little as she settled into the position. Aubrey laughed a little as she stroked Chloe's back, waiting patiently for the redhead to get comfortable.

She had found out their first year at Barden that Chloe craved physical touch, that the contact soothed her and was like a safety blanket for her. Ever since then, she made every effort to encourage physical contact between them as a way of reassuring and comforting the other girl. She knew that it probably seemed a little weird but she couldn't quite bring herself to care. Things between her and Chloe were strictly platonic, no matter what all the cuddling and touching might seem to imply.

Aubrey had wondered if there might be anything more during the start of their sophomore year, but after reflecting on her own feelings for a week or so she had determined that no, it was just friendship. She loved Chloe, without a doubt, but she had no desire to be anything more than friends with the redhead. Since coming to that realization, Aubrey had stopped worrying about it and had just decided to do what she knew and follow Chloe's lead about everything else.

In hindsight, she sometimes wondered if her lack of romantic interest in Chloe was a large part of why the smaller girl was okay with- even welcomed- all of the physical contact between them. With Aubrey, Chloe didn't have to worry about whether the blonde might have ulterior motives, or might one day decide that she needed more from the redhead than she wanted to give. There was a level of safety, Aubrey thought, in Chloe being able to know that Aubrey would hold her without any expectation of it leading to more, that Aubrey cared for her despite having no sexual interest in her.

Moments like this, lying on the couch together as a rerun of America's Next Top Model played quietly in the background, Aubrey was infinitely thankful that Chloe was part of her life, and that the other girl trusted her enough to let moments like this happen in the first place. Leaning down and brushing her lips against the top of Chloe's head, Aubrey hugged the redhead to her tightly for a moment before relaxing completely into the cushions.

"So," she started, and Chloe could practically hear the smirk in her voice, "How was your date?"

"It was not a date!" Chloe huffed indignantly. "We just went to get dinner together!"

"Riigghttt," Aubrey drawled, chuckling a little as Chloe squirmed at the disbelief in her voice. "How was your _dinner_, then?"

Groaning against Aubrey's collarbone at the suggestive inflection the blonde gave the word, Chloe mumbled, "I don't know how you can make such an innocent word sound so _filthy_!" Poking the blonde in the ribs, she couldn't help a small laugh of her own as Aubrey squirmed under her, batting her hand away with mock irritation. "For your information, my _dinner_ was…fine."

Aubrey caught the slight hesitation and felt her brow furrow slightly. "Just fine?" She asked quietly, probing gently for more information.

"Yep," came Chloe's reply, muffled against Aubrey's skin, "Just fine."

Waiting patiently for Chloe to tell her more, Aubrey didn't say anything and let the silence stretch out for a few long moments. "Ugh fine, she asked me about my family and life before Barden," Chloe finally grumbled, unable to take the silence any longer.

Trying to squash her over-protective instincts that demanded she go smack Beca for asking such a dumb thing, Aubrey kept her voice even as she quietly asked, "What did you say?"

"I gave her the usual bullshit response, Aubrey, what else was I supposed to say?" Chloe's voice was resigned, taking the sting out of her words as she felt Aubrey run a soothing hand up and down her back. Sighing into the contact, she let her body relax again. "Can we just watch bad TV please?" She asked, a pleading note in her voice.

Aubrey nodded, accepting that Chloe was done with talking for the night, but softly said, "You know, it's okay if you wanted to tell her more. You're allowed to have people in your life, Chlo, and if you trust them it's not a bad thing to let them in."

She felt Chloe's small nod against her chest in response to the words, and left it at that. Letting her attention drift to the TV screen, Aubrey silently hoped that maybe Beca would be able to give Chloe enough of a reason to let some of her walls down. She worried about the redhead, and while she didn't particularly like Beca, if Chloe did then she could get over it. So help her, if Beca hurt Chloe in any way she would _end_ the brunette, but in the meantime…she would just have to keep an eye on both of them. Shutting her eyes, Aubrey let her mind wander, content that she now had a plan to help make sure Chloe didn't get hurt again.


End file.
